RWWAI 30

Chapter 30: Why On Earth Can You Ride a Horse?!

Luo Fan sat inside his study, staring blankly at the invitation card spread out before him like a stunned chicken frozen in place.

Just as I was passing by his study holding a plate of sour mandarin oranges meant to stimulate Qin Miaomiao's appetite, I caught sight of his posture, which looked like someone had hit the pause button on his remote. Sticking my head inside, I asked:

"What on earth are you doing?"

Catching sight of me, Luo Fan raised his head and brandished the invitation card in the air.

"Can't read it again?" I teased as I strolled into the study, casting a casual glance at the characters inscribed on the card.

"Isn't this just a hunting-expedition invitation from the Middle General?"

Looking completely baffled, Luo Fan stammered out an explanation:

"No... I've never even met the Middle General... who the hell is he?"

I blinked in surprise and asked:

"Who sent the invitation over, then?"

"The Supervising Imperial Censor," Luo Fan replied.

"The day of the Minister of Revenue's concubine banquet, that grandson got thoroughly dressed down by me, and now he goes around calling me big brother!"

I shot him a withering look and snapped:

"Don't go bragging about accomplishments you cheated your way into!"

His confusion, however, was quickly cleared up the moment I received a letter of my own.

The missive was delivered courtesy of Lady Lin, my number-one loyal cult convert.

To put it simply, every year during the Middle General's hunting expedition, those two civil officials stationed in the capital—the Minister of Revenue and the Supervising Imperial Censor—would invariably get mocked and ridiculed mercilessly due to their total lack of athletic prowess.

Now that their tight little social circle finally included a bona fide military officer like the Commandant, naturally they wanted to drag him along to help salvage their dignity.

And the person behind that brilliant mastermind plan was none other than Lady Lin.

Her motivation wasn't necessarily born out of deep concern for her husband's pride; rather, she knew my attendance would be guaranteed, meaning the circle of noble wives would once again have a golden opportunity to let loose and abandon all restraint.

Only...

Given Luo Fan's half-baked, amateur-hour skill set, what possible hope did he have of saving anyone's face?

The man probably didn't even know how to ride a horse!

Sure enough, Luo Fan slumped face-first across his writing desk in an attitude of absolute, defeated despair and muttered:

"Maybe I should just fake being sick..."

I hurriedly shot that down:

"Are you out of your mind? You're going to send a reply now saying you'll fall sick half a month from now? What are you, a psychic?"

Luo Fan remained slumped like a puddle of wet mud, whining:

"Then tell them I'm suffering from an incurable chronic illness, which is why Doctor Zhou has to remain permanently stationed at the commandant's estate because I'm on the verge of kicking the bucket."

"Wow, look at you running straight to avoid your problems like a textbook-definition avoidant personality!" I couldn't help roasting him.

Deep down, however, I still really wanted him to give it a shot.

After all, didn't he have those somewhat erratic bursts of muscle memory?

We still had over half a month before the hunting expedition! Who knows, maybe he could recover a solid eighty percent of his skills by then?

It's not like anyone was expecting him to hit a bullseye every single time.

As for why I was so keen on dragging him along, the secret reason was that the Middle General's wife happened to be the wildly famous Princess Yong'an.

Lady Lin had once mentioned to me that Princess Yong'an had once caught a performance by a dancer hailed as the most beautiful man in the entire country during a grand palace celebration.

In private, Princess Yong'an couldn't stop showering praise on that dancer's breathtaking appearance.

How on earth could I let that stand?

The most beautiful man in the country? Laughable!

They simply hadn't laid eyes on Doctor Zhou's face yet!

I was fully determined to use this hunting trip as an opportunity to commission a portrait of Doctor Zhou, drag it right in front of Princess Yong'an, and ruthlessly shatter the arrogant illusions of someone who clearly hadn't seen enough of the world!

Motivated by this cause—which I deemed vastly more important than Luo Fan's miserable little life—I resolved to make full use of the next half-month to whip him into shape for the hunting trip's required skill set.

Starting with horseback riding, and I had even picked out the ideal instructor: Qin Miaomiao!

Having grown up around the Xiazi Pass, she knew how to ride horses natively.

In the previous life, she had apparently romanticized her relationship with Qi Lu by galloping wildly through the wilderness and flirting on horseback.

Of course, considering she was already seven months pregnant at this point, I couldn't let her climb onto a horse to demonstrate, so I simply stationed her nearby to give verbal guidance.

Assuming I was the one trying to learn, Qin Miaomiao didn't think anything of it.

As for what kind of expression she'd make once she realized "Qi Lu" was the one taking riding lessons, I'd cross that bridge when we got to it.

All in all, on a gorgeous, sunny morning, we packed up a carriage, brought along two spirited steeds, and headed out as a complete, happy little family to practice in the suburbs of Yangshan.

After listening to Qin Miaomiao's detailed instructions, I bravely hoisted myself up into the saddle first.

Turns out hearing instructions with your ears and actually executing them with your body are two entirely different universes!

The horse parked beneath my rear felt like it had been welded permanently to the ground, refusing to budge a single inch!

Right as I was bracing myself for maximum public humiliation, it suddenly occurred to me that Luo Fan was bound to humiliate himself ten times worse.

Imagine my shock when I whipped my head around to look, only to see that he had already vanished into the distance, horse and rider completely gone.

All that remained around me was the whistling wind and Qin Miaomiao's awkward, gentle words of comfort:

"It's quite alright, Madam. Practice makes perfect, after all..."

A few minutes later, when Luo Fan effortlessly cantered his horse back over in a leisurely, unbothered sweep, I couldn't help letting out a furious screech:

"Why on earth can you ride a horse?! Even if it's just muscle memory, recovering this fast is completely illegal!"

Under Qin Miaomiao's utterly bewildered gaze, Luo Fan trotted his mount right up to my side and lowered his voice to murmur:

"I actually knew how to ride horses in real life."

"Why?!" I growled out in bitter indignation.

Luo Fan flashed a grin and explained:

"My parents took me to a tourist ranch when I was a kid, that's where I learned. I only knew the basics, but combined with Qi Lu's residual muscle memory, handling this is a walk in the park."

"Augh!! Teach me!!" I roared at the top of my lungs.

Instead of helping, Luo Fan ruthlessly pulled a funny face at me, prompting even Qin Miaomiao to burst out laughing beside him.

"You're both ganging up on me!!!" I wailed to the heavens.

Naturally, when it came to archery later on, Luo Fan didn't have any childhood cheat codes to fall back on.

Still, thanks to Qi Lu's natural military-grade arm strength, even if his actual accuracy was borderline tragic, the loud, whistling whoosh of his arrows cutting through the air was at least convincing enough to fool casual observers.

Before I knew it, the day of the hunting expedition finally arrived.

Though I was still maintaining my cover as a fake pregnant woman, female family members traditionally never had to climb the actual hunting mountains; instead, they stayed down at the base camp set up in the valley, chilling in tents to drink tea and gossip while skipping my lack-of-riding-skills crisis entirely.

However, since semi-formal excursions of this scale rarely involved bringing concubines along—coupled with the fact that Qin Miaomiao was genuinely heavily pregnant—we had no choice but to leave her behind at the estate.

Luckily, she possessed a quiet, uncompetitive disposition and didn't seem to mind in the least.

And so, after promising to bring back a stash of delicious local snacks for her, Luo Fan and I officially embarked on our journey leaving Yangshan behind.

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